Hey team,
Here I figured this was the best way for you to all see the feedback and each other’s awesome work in the one place, with regards to assignments 1 and 2 for Low Tox Method – creating a secret page for you all with everything hyperlinked. Assignment 2 will also be collated into our growing research booklet from all the assignment 2 results over the past rounds including your wonderful efforts, for you to all use for reference. You will receive this at the end of the program to download and use however you fancy and need to – other than of course publishing it and selling it, that would be a no. hehe – never know, better saying it than not!
The feedback for everyone is largely the same. This is some seriously fine, well thought out work all around. Reading through each commentary, submission and research project was a joy. I learnt things. Loved it.
Assignment 1 specifically – excellent commentary and observations. Each of you explained exactly what was not optimal about the ‘poor example’ shares and each was definitely a poor example. It makes you realise just how many times we see someone pointing out a fire but no suggestions on how to put the fire out, right? Or how often there’s something quite shouty without any research links to substantiate a claim. As an LTM grad, I love knowing that this is another group of people out there who will be responsible, empowering sharers and educators.
Your subsequent examples of what you would post and why were awesome – motivating, truthful, well-referenced and helpful to those who are engaged in the topics you’re sharing about. Well done! You can click through these links to check each other’s examples out and for the images just click the blue and it will take you through.
I’ve provided some personalised feedback below, also and it would be helpful again, to look at each other’s examples and feedback to make this assignment dynamic and to embed the ideals of the 2nd and 3rd modules deep down so you’re quick and able to produce great content and shares forever more.
Tara your feedback: Think of ways to tighten up your language to make it less words/snappier: For example this bit: “Learning about these chemicals has led me to do some more research into the topic and I came across this really interesting research article (I’ve linked it here if you fancy a read) which looked at teenage girls and the chemical levels in their bodies from their cosmetics” could be instead “In my years of research on the levels found in teen girls (and a link if you fancy diving deeper)…” You say the same thing, but more compelling, authoritative and to the point.
In Q4 I think for ease of reading through the examples of where it’s found, point form would be easier here. Overall a great submission and will be useful to people.
Great use of references to substantiate any of the negative impacts in the applications and uses of PVC.
Ah, the good old Daily Mail – Always great for a ‘poor share’ example. I would add that ‘as bad as asbestos’ is a ridiculous header given they’re completely different chemicals.
Q5 for your share with the accompanying link: I’d start with an eye-grabber line, so in that sense, pull something out of the Daily Mail’s book, but true to your values. So “Think all hand sanitisers are the same? Unfortunately, some contain questionable ingredients. check out what I found after doing some digging around recently…” and then go into the more technical language to substantiate, if that makes sense. That way you’ve raised an eyebrow, you’ve connected with a ‘come with me and check this out’ language opener and then the juicy stuff.
Great. Simple, to the point and well referenced. Might be good to also include the biodegradability of SLES to SLS and comparing raw materials to produce it if you want to get really nerdy, but this definitely helps people know potential issues and why to switch out and to what.
Amy this was such a strong analysis of what wasn’t working with this point, from the annoying quality to the harshness of the copy on a page where people obviously do care. Your good share is excellent and as with Tara, I’d simply recommend working on making it punchier and ensuring no repetition. For example “Sometimes when you spend all your spare time collecting litter it’s quite easy to feel overwhelmed.” Cue the overwhelm right? Well… no. Let me explain:… and then “And if you are too small to make a difference, I would like to remind you of the Dalai Lama’s quote “If you think you are too small to make a difference try sleeping with a mosquito”. Each and every little bit does help.” instead you could do “I remind myself daily of the Dalai Lama’s wise words “If you think you are too small to make a difference try sleeping with a mosquito”. and leave it at that. and “We are always ready to welcome new members to the Beach Patrol crew, so if the idea of picking up litter with a community of like-minded people excited, please get in contact or head to the website (www.beachpatrol.com.au) to find your nearest group.” could be “Want to be a part of the solutions? Come join us by DM’ing me or jumping on the website to find your local group.” Hope that helps. Read and edit and tighten. The content’s excellent. The delivery could be more punchy so it sings to people’s hearts.
Great concise research on Pyrene. Nothing to add there.
Another good ol’ Daily Mail share. What a misleading headline and a big ‘point out the fire/scare people’ but give no facts/solutions. Great example of a bad share. Great article to link to instead and the text just needs a bit more connection/impact. So you could start with “I byo my hand sanitiser for when I’m asked to use it. Why do I BYO? Well…” and then you could break up the thick paragraph by splitting it and starting with “Research shows in the end that soap and water are still the most effective hand cleanser, so make sure you have a great one at home. I love the Young Living…” type thing. These little tweaks will make it more personal and engaging.
Great report on BPS. Very comprehensive.
Lena Rosenthal Assignment 1
Love your solution-focused post but I have a recommendation when there is so, so much that is the solution: Announce as a series and post a solution each day with a reminder of the startling fact, inviting people to check back on the solutions already shared this week and stay tuned for tomorrow’s – this way you aren’t wasting such a fantastic share by posting it only on one day and risking newbies /people tuning out because there’s ‘so much we can do’ if you know what I mean.
Very comprehensive report on cellulose nitrate and if you were sharing this publically, I’d ensure you linked to a brand/produce that you had set up an affiliate link to so that you had your time valued in helping people by earning a small commission on items people might go on to purchase.
Ah the ol’ “Not to freak you out, BUT” posts – great example of a bad share. People will either feel scared, hopeless or tune out entirely because it’s too ‘big’ or badly referenced (ie no credible reference at all). With your great share, it is truly great, and I love the start with a Native American Legend – people connect through stories! What I’d consider though is making this a series, as it is a huge share, unless you wrote this as a blog with a teaser to get people to jump onto your site and read it. Announce the scary fact + announce a series of motivational ‘we’ve got this’ solutions you’ll be sharing this week and then get people engaged each day. This is how I’d play this mammoth topic/assertion and the need for more in-depth content response to accompany it.
Great research topic. Fun fact: I had high Chorpyrifos/ DDT levels from my mum growing up in Mauritius where it was sprayed around like water on agriculture, and I was born 15 years after she left Mauritius. How nuts is that!? Here’s to a world with less chemical inputs moving forward.
