So, in my mid 20s I broke up with a long term BF… you know the type of break up where friends come to pick you up to go out to a bar, only to find you hugging a framed photo in the dark listening to nick drake? Yep, one of the those. Turns out, as with most shake ups, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I subsequently changed industries moved in with a fabulous new flat mate and was opened up to a world where my authentic self was so much more alive! There’s something about feeling saddened and stripped to the bone that forces you to search really hard inside for the goods. It’s a selfish time, and selfish in a good way. There is less concern for approval and what others think, and more focus on just making yourself better… less shit… happy, even! It was in the process of rebuilding myself, and literally showering myself with love, self truth and self belief, that I created my cake theory.
It’s very simple. A basic cake requires 4 ingredients: Flour, Eggs, Sugar and Butter (Ok, Ok, relax paleo peeps. Almond meal, coconut oil, eggs and honey are fine too!) So, these ingredients are all essential to the mix and without one of the key ingredients, you don’t have a cake. It will lack moisture, sweetness, crumb or form. Now, back to my philosophy: We are cakes. Yep, we all are, or at least should strive to be. We must be our own flour, eggs, sugar and butter, for if we make someone else an essential ingredient to the mix, we are in a rather large pickle when they leave. You have to do the work on yourself to be whole – to not want for someone else to come make you whole or better. Let someone be your icing – the best, thickest most luscious icing you ever tasted and if that person is with you forever then that’s wonderful. If they’re not, you’ve done, and continue to do, the awesome work on yourself to be you – to be a great cake! It doesn’t mean you won’t feel sad or lonely when transitioning from losing people. Death, divorce and break ups are never going to be packed with laughs, but if we’ve done the work to be strong, complete, and packed with self love, we cope better during the times of loss. Even more important, is how we are in all of our existing relationships, when we are good, sturdy cakes.
To those struggling with being single over the years, including myself, a while ago now when the cake theory was born, I have offered comfort in this theory – work on yourself, your sense of self and everything that makes you feel great and loved BY YOU and all by yourself. The delicious icing in life – whether it’s a partner or another form of icing – shall be even more likely to come your way if you’re a great cake!
Are you a cake?