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Now onto the show…

 

 

Here’s a little snapshot of the juicy bits in today’s episode…

• Non-violent communication or NVC, named after Ghandi’s non-violent movement, is also know as compassionate communication. It’s both a personal practice in helping us connect with our humanity and it’s also a very practical and powerful communication tool with concrete skills we can put into practice.
• Most of us have been educated to think and act in ways that are often judgemental. NVC encourages people to listen carefully and to act from their hearts instead of their heads.
• Whenever we have uncomfortable feelings it’s a sign that a value or need isn’t being attended to. It’s important to turn our attention inwards before making assumptions or judging. We need to notice how we feel in order to have the clarity we need to own how we speak to others.
• Acknowledging the needs of the other person we speak to is also key. Going to judgement is often the first place we go in our mind. Making the effort to find out where the other person comes from, why they did or say something that made us feel uncomfortable,  takes a lot of practice and is key to avoid coming from a place of blame when we speak to others.
• Holding space and compassion for our humanity and recognising feelings of distress, anger or disappointment in others when they arise helps us communicate better. Focusing on what we can do better next time is a good way to add a bit more depth to an apology. It’s quite productive and constructive to honour what happened, acknowledge the unmet needs and find a preventative solution for the future.
• When someone is angry at us, it’s important to acknowledge the anger, without trying to fix it. Empathising even though we’re experiencing a situation differently, or trying to create a way forward together are powerful ways to dissipate feelings such as anger.
• Learning the NVC process can be very useful at any point in a relationship. For victims of domestic violence, NVC can help them recognise how important their self-talk is to their wellbeing. If someone is talking to them in a disrespectful way, understanding that it’s not something they need to do themselves.
• NVC is best taught to children through modelling. When it comes to eating for example, a sense of curiosity is important: being willing to experiment with them, going to the market, showing respect for their choices, and making them understand the benefits of good eating to their health.
• When it comes to discipline, NVC advocates approaching children with respectful curiosity. Trying to understand why they acted a certain way and choosing the right time to talk to them, most of the time away from the event that triggered us.
• If family gatherings, especially around end of year celebrations, are creating tensions, try having conversations prior to the event with the people you know might not get along well, or tend to be difficult. Honouring and recognising their feelings is sometimes enough to diffuse tensions.
• NVC is really about awareness of ourselves and tuning into the feelings of our bodies. A useful exercise is to ask yourself throughout the day “how am  I feeling right now” to make it a habit to tune in and acknowledge your feelings. Holding ourselves with compassion helps us to share compassion and speak compassionately with others.

 

And here are a few extra important links:

You can find out more about Paulette’s work, the workshops that she hosts and non-violent communication HERE.

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